Without much happening-with no real intensity or vitality-ease eventually turns to boredom, at least for the therapist. This is the case with my couple who’s fully engaged in therapy sessions but “too busy” to try anything different at home, and the woman who uses sessions to recap the ins and outs of her week but never addresses any serious issues. Often when we begin with these clients, our early work generates some movement and change, but then a kind of stagnation sets in. It starts to feel like “till death (or retirement) us do part.” So what’s the problem? Nothing-except that not much goes on in sessions: no implosions or explosions, no breakthroughs or backslides, no itching to finish therapy and get on with life. They’re open to our insights and suggestions, fill a regular time slot in our schedule, and pay their bills. They’re cooperative, agreeable, and attached to us as therapists. Our long-term clients might have us banging our heads against the wall at times, screaming, “I can’t believe you’re making that self-destructive choice again! After all this time, haven’t you heard a word I’ve said?” But mostly, they elicit far less dramatic reactions. Eventually, rather than helping these clients navigate dramatic whitewater rapids, our main challenge becomes steering the clinical relationship out of the swamps and marshes where it can get stuck, sometimes for years. Although you can’t tell it from the cases that appear in publications and training videos, psychotherapy mostly involves talking to clients who like working with us, but find it hard to change.
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